Nothing Feels Quite Right at Manchester United

When the schedule for the 2023/24 Premier League season was first announced, a familiar feeling reverberated around the red side of Manchester; an easy start. As in recent years with visits from Leeds and Brighton and trips to Southampton and Brentford, a start at home against Wolves followed by a trip to Tottenham looked particularly tasty.

The signings of Mason Mount and Rasmus Hojlund gave rose-tinted glasses to the missed opportunities that preceded them - none of which were more disappointing than losing out on Harry Kane to Bayern Munich of the Bundesliga.

But the well-oiled PR machine that is Manchester United did what they do best under the Glazer ownership, spoon-feeding fans the perceived brilliance of their transfer business as the fans themselves grow increasingly numb to the drop in standards all while growing in familiarity with the feeling of settling for second-best year after year.

Erling Haaland? Try Edinson Cavani.

Frenkie de Jong, you say? Here's an aging Casemiro.

Jurrien Timber? Take Lisandro Martinez.

Harry Kane is finally out the door at Spurs? No, let's settle for a 20-year-old development project.

Rasmus is perhaps the best embodiment of how Manchester United's summer transfer windows tend to pan out. In May, he was the development striker who would come in alongside Kane or Victor Osimhen to develop in their shadow. By August, he'd become the marquee signing, already drawing comparisons to the record-shattering number 9 residing across town. I wish him all the best.

But that is exactly where the fascination lies; the serious detriment that fans of this club put upon themselves by dragging their expectations down as each of the summers drag on. If I was told in early June that Rasmus Hojlund, Mason Mount, and goalkeeper Andre Onana were to be the only three signings completed by the last week of August, I'd laugh. Never mind the fact that the only notable outgoings have been a ridiculously undervalued Fred followed by an intriguingly premature sale of Anthony Elanga to Nottingham Forest.

But wait, CEO Richard Arnold says, look at Martinez and Casemiro go! Look at the smiles on their faces as they raise the Carabao Cup. Our top-rate signings are at the forefront of the new United, under our new manager, who has our full financial backing.

And so the cycle continues, and by the time the Premier League campaign is about to kick off again, one has convinced themselves of the quality of the summer signings, assuring themselves that Pep Guardiola's board at Manchester City would have operated in a similar fashion. 

It's such an easy trap to fall into. One's mind begins so easily to drift, envisioning a Mancunian title race mixed in with victorious Champions League trips to the Emirates and the Bernabeu alike, and maybe a Wembley trip or two to add the cherry on top. Manchester United are back on the doorstep of the top of the mountain. Until they're not.

Until Wolverhampton Wanderers waltz into Old Trafford on the opening weekend and treat it like their playground. Gary O'Neil's men tossed United around like boys for the better part of 75 minutes. Matheus Cunha was ripping through the midfield lines as though a prime Zinedine Zidane had put on an orange kit. The experienced, battle-tested Red Devils looked absolutely shell-shocked. Marcus Rashford had the best spectator's seat in the house as Wolves played him at his own game; playing a frustratingly deep defensive unit who felt like scoring every time they pounced and countered. Are we sure Ole Gunnar Solsjkaer wasn't hiding somewhere in the away dugout?

Anyway, Onana held his own in a strong home debut between the posts and Raphael Varane scored a late winner to secure an undeserved victory in classic Theatre of Dreams fashion. Three points, panic avoided, move on. The best teams find a way to win when they don't perform, right?

Enter Ange Postecoglou's Tottenham Hotspur. Another non-showing, but this time left with nothing to show for it. In fairness, that first half in London was the best of the four halves that United have played in the opening two weeks, but the lethargic and largely lackluster second-half effort left the home team deserving of the points in a 2-0 victory.

It didn't feel like this staggeringly underwhelming start to the season was coming, but the team looks dead on their feet, lacking bite, grit, and perhaps most worryingly any sense of urgency.

Is there a hangover from a loaded 2022/23? Do the players just need to get their fitness back? If so, what was the point of a month-long international preseason?

Funnily enough, that question can actually be answered quite simply. Manchester United is a brand first, and a football team second. The United States tour was indeed a commercial expedition. 

Does Bruno Fernandes need to get minutes into his legs in New York and Las Vegas, or does the marketing team need Bruno Fernandes to wear the new home and away kits in front of New York and Las Vegas crowds?

There's been plenty of questions asked here, so I apologize for leaving you with so much grey area to ponder. But that's what this club loves to do; it's how the higher-ups operate. Leave the fans in the dark as much as possible, feed them on crumbs by leaking that Jude Bellingham has reached out to Erik ten Hag about playing for Manchester United, and meticulously force-feed the shiny new toy Mason Mount into everyone's faces for just long enough that Jude has signed for Real Madrid and it's no more than an outdated headline. It's fine, everyone's already moved onto the Neymar Jr. story, which should do the trick until he signs for Al-Hilal. 

And now the links will be to Sofyan Amrabat until the window closes - a deal one would argue is likely going to actually happen - by which time the idea that Declan Rice or Moises Caicedo were viable options a mere number of weeks ago will have been forgotten by a fan base just grateful to see a new face walk in the door.

But, I suppose someone has to breathe some life into this new season. Whether it be Rashford's return to the left wing, Hojlund dazzling from the jump, or even Harry Maguire breaking back into the starting eleven in mesmerizing fashion, let's hope it materializes in time for United's September 3rd trip to Arsenal to be somewhat worth a watch.

However it happens, John Murtough and Richard Arnold will not be the people to thank.